#76 - Kyle Kingsbury: Finding meaning, depression, and psychedelics

In this episode, Kyle Kingsbury, retired UFC fighter and director of human optimization at Onnit, discusses the purpose and meaning that football and MMA gave him but which also acted as a distraction from his inner demons. Kyle opens up about his use of PEDs (steroids, testosterone, HGH) in college and talks about some of the misconceptions around them. Next, Kyle talks about his battle with depression and a close call with suicide that lead to life-changing experiences with psilocybin and ayahuasca—which really became the turning point in his own journey towards being more emotionally healthy, finding inner peace, and being a better husband and father. *DISCLAIMER: The substances spoken about in this episode are illegal and by no means are we advocating for anyone to use them or experiment with them. There are physical, physiological, psychological, and legal risks around the use of these plants. This conversation is purely informational only. We discuss: Growing up in a volatile home [6:30]; Playing college football at ASU, and letting go of NFL aspirations [15:45]; Kyle's experience taking anabolics (steroids/testosterone), misunderstood science, and fear mongering [23:15]; Kyle's experience with taking HGH [35:30]; The Whizzinator [36:45]; Struggles with depression and drugs, and a lack of meaning after football [41:00]; Kyle's close call with suicide, and a spiritual experience [47:15]; Finding refuge with mixed martial arts, and Kyle's early success in cage fighting [52:30]; Lessons from Kyle's first loss in fighting, and training for the UFC [59:45]; First experiences with psilocybin and ayahuasca, quieting the monkey mind, and finding inner peace [1:07:15]; Overt vs. covert depression, depression in men vs. women, and the transition from adaptive to maladaptive behaviors [1:16:00]; Peeling back the layers with ayahuasca: Kyle tells stories about the most transformative experiences with psychedelics [1:19:00]; Does Kyle feel like he has lost his "edge" as a